It's nice to have the opportunity to really appreciate the sunrises and the sunsets with out worrying about to do lists, or bedtime routines, etc. Here are a few from our Florida tirp.
Who am I kidding? The surnrises I witnessed were only because one or two of us were sick ~ and I wasn't taking pictures those mornings. However, here are a few morning shots from our condo...
It's faint in the picture, but we did get to witness G's very first rainbow one morning before daddy awoke...
On Day 6 she announced, "I don't want to go to the beach. No more "saulcy" water!"
She'd had it. Plus we were having issues. (No Lewis vacation is ever without it's issues.) We (she) had a horrible bout with constipation that was not 'fixable' without an enema and very dramatic outcome. Horrible, I tell you. I was in tears.
No sooner did we recover from that traumatic event, then we were awakened to Gianna screaming in the middle of the night. Let me clarify: Daddy was awakened to screaming. The usually light-sleeping Mommy somehow entered a sleep deprivation coma that night and didn't hear her child calling out for her. I would normally feel very guilty at this point, except for the fact that my husband walked into Gianna's first stomach virus. (Have I ever mentioned that I don't do vomit? I don't. I can't. They all told me I would be able to handle it with my own. They were wrong. God's gift to me that night, was not being the one to enter that sick scene.)
Anyway, she was SUCH a trooper through that episode. Just a little clingy, which was fine by me. (Nice to have a cuddly child every once in a while.) A couple of days to lie low was not the worst thing. We were in a beautiful condo with every convenience, and a heroic husband/daddy who was wonderful to us. Yes, us. I got the bug next. I'm telling you, us Lewis girls seems to always reserve our illnesses for trips. Daddy always seems to reserve his upon arrival home. Yep....he got it too.
So add all that with a family reunion - (* the reason for the trip to begin with) and a strong willed two year old who was exercising her defiant muscles....it was an exhausting trip. We were happy to be together and away from our 'normal' lives for a bit and we did have many fun times and great memories, but there's no place like home.
* Iain's family was all in Tampa, where his brother lives, because they were all going on a 7 day cruise. We opted out - being that we are trying to sell our house and possible adopt again. All I can say is - THANK HEAVENS WE DIDN'T GO ON THAT CRUISE!
And I'd be remissed if I didn't mention the fact that my big girl slept by herself in a room on the other side of the condo - which she wanted to be pitch black at night. "No mommy, please shut that door and you go down the hall." I'm impressed. I'd have been a chicken.
Our local library had a Summer Kick Off event last Wednesday with loads of activities, projects and entertainment for all the kids. There was a wood craft area that Home Depot sponsored and kids were making bird feeders, toys and planters. I thought the planter would be cute, but didn't want to attempt it during the mayhem - so they gave me one to take home.
One day while I was trying to kill some time before Daddy got home, I present the idea to Gianna. She was excited and I wasn't quite sure just how long it would hold her attention - but I figured the paint would lure her in - and it did.
She thought it was a puzzle at first, and it really sort of was.
She participated in each step. (Check out her first tattoo!)
Painting is always a favorite.
The legs had to be hammered onto the base. I think it was fairly brave of me to give her the hammer, but I have to say, she was amazingly precise. I was very impressed with her carpentry skills. Her PePaw is going to be so proud.
Mommy helped finish the paint job.
I was so impressed with the result. Can't wait to add a little plant for her to take care of.
...is one of the many mantras I've been repeating lately as my precocious two (almost THREE) year old is becoming more and more courageous in how she expresses herself. Tantrums, her version of cursing (which is rather comical being that she doesn't know any curse words), blatant defiance, and she's even taken a few swings at me. Who IS this child?
The last few months have been particularly challenging in dealing with this STRONGER side of her personality. It came to a frustrating crescendo during our recent trip to Florida. Honestly, sometimes I though she was possessed by some fresh-mouthed, wayward little gangster - with quite the potty mouth. She has been heard to say, "I say POO POO to YOU, MOMMY!" and her big curse to both her daddy and I is " I say: MAN. BY. ONE." We have absolutely NO idea what that means, what she thinks that means or what she's is trying to mean. And no matter how ticked off we are when she says it - we have to laugh. - Maybe is God's way of protecting her and getting ourselves in check.
The trip was too long (10 days) and we made the 14 hour drive in one shot there and one shot back. That's a lot to ask from a grown up, much less a two year old. Plus she got some stomach bug while we were there and was bored out of her mind while she convalesced. All those things didn't cause these negative behavior eruptions, but did exacerbate the situation. I got part of a meltdown/tantrum on video (because my parents think I'm being dramatic when I tell them she can be rotten.)
Told you. And this wasn't nearly the worst of it. It got bad, y'all. My husband often responds, "We need a young priest and an old priest..." referring to The Exor.cist, of which I've only seen spoofs, but you get the idea. I suppose the situation would be intolerable if this monster child completely took over my sweet, funny, smart child - but it hasn't.
(she thinks this picture is hilarious, by the way)
Monster Child rears it's head far more often than before, but left in the wake of her emotional destruction is my sweet, sweet child. Jekyll and Hyde is among us and the switch between the two is wickedly quick....both ways. Sometimes it's in response to something that she's not happy with. But on MANY occasions, while in the middle of a perfectly lovely activity and having a perfectly splendid time, she has completely come unglued and begun her monster transformation. (Kinda like The Hulk - minus the ripped clothing.)
I have been reduced to tears many times during her exhausting episodes and my poor parenting attempts. Sometimes I know it's just about riding the waves and staying strong, and sometimes I am totally discouraged, disheartened, and disappointed in both her behavior and my responses. I think to myself, "This is not the mother I intended on becoming." Thankfully, my husband has the same experience and knows that I'm not being dramatic in my descriptions. He also shares my frustrations and occasional despair.
At one point during our vacation, following some wretched behavior, Iain got her to bed and I just fell apart. I felt like a complete failure and felt absolutely clueless as to how to move ahead. I had read the book 1-2-3 Magic for Christian parents which was wonderful and very helpful, but we had now reached a point where she was not so affected by the time-outs or alternate consequences.
Really, the big issue for me was two-fold. One was the fact that it was pure manipulation on her part and it was a huge quest for control - a battle of the wills. There's a psychologist who says, "Never enter a battle of wills with a kid, but if you must, you better make darn sure you win." Well, we've reached that point. And let me just say that it takes HUGE energy and effort to win. (I wish you could have seen me climb over the seat numerous times to deal with Little Miss Sunshine. Not really.)
The other issue is that of disobedience and disrespect. In the broad scheme of things, I can overlook tantrums, I can ignore screaming (sometimes) -- it's the defiance and disobedience that I have a problem with. As a parent, especially a Christian parent, obedience is a biggy. It's not just about making her do what I want, it's about teaching the value, importance and the call to obedience.
One day when Gianna and I were having a little 'Come to Jesus' meeting, I asked her what her job was. I expected her to say, "To be a good listener." That was not her response.
She said to my shock, "O-B-E-Y. Obey your mom and dad." I had not taught her this and my obvious surprise must have registered in her little brain because she followed it by saying, "That's what the Donut Man says, Mommy. It really is!" (Thank you EWTN for your Children's Programming!)
Well, that has become another mantra 'round these parts. It's been a great jumping off point. And isn't that what we're called to do as Christian parents?....help these little souls get to heaven?
Now, I am quite certain that my good and faithful God is getting quite the chuckle at my frustrations with my little one, because He's been trying to teach me obedience for years with very similar defiance and tantrums. I have found that at each parenting crossroads I've experienced, there's an even bigger lesson for me than trying to "train my child in the way she should go." I am very aware that this child, with all of her gifts and challenges was meant specifically for me and my husband...to bless us like no other - and to stretch and test us in ways that will help us with our own individual and marital growth.
The Strong Willed Child
Not long after Gianna turned one, I was in search of articles about strong willed children. The first I came across said that many parents were quick to label their children as strong willed, but many of these labels were inaccurate. They had a checklist of qualities that most strong willed children possessed and Gianna only had a small number of them.
About a month ago is when we started a sort of potty training boot camp (which she did great with - and totally gave up on during vacation) is when the behavior started going awry. There may be a correlation with the control issues involved there - or it may have been a fluke...but that's when we started having daily issues that were really difficult to deal with.
So on vacation at one of the very lowest points when she really got the best of me, I was more than motivated to figure out some sort of way through this challenge. I got online and scouted some resources that might be give me some direction and maybe a little hope to carry on.
I came across a book I've heard of by an author I was very familiar with. The New Strong Willed Child by Dr. James Dobson (From Focus on the Family fame). I've listened to him talk about marriage, family, child rearing, spiritual struggles, etc for over twenty years. I knew I could trust his experience and advice.
Luckily, I recently acquired my husband's Kindle (e-reader) and was able to download the book immediately. I was tentative as began the book because I was a little afraid of the possible realization that I was doing everything wrong. After reading the preface I knew that this book would provide blessing, encourage and a deep sense of understanding and empathy for people who are daily dealing with those children at the frightening end of the strong willed continuum. I'm only a third of the way through it, and I'll reserve my full review until I complete it, but it has already given my a realization that my child is not necessarily a classic example of a strong willed child, and that my concerns as well as my feelings of inadequacy, self-condemnation, and desperation are all extremely common with parents of these kids. Whew.
On a sidenote, one of Dr. Dobson's recommendations for parents is to lay hands on their children when they (kids) are asleep and pray to the Holy Spirit that He will help break their will without breaking their spirits. I used to pray over her at night when she was little, but then she was such a light sleeper she'd wake up just as soon as I got to the door. I thought maybe we'd try again so, the other night I entered her room about 11:00pm when I knew she'd be completely down and as sson as I opened the door I heard, "Hey Mommy, watchya doin'?" An alternate plan is in order, I suppose.
And wouldn't you know that just as soon as I expose my child's (and my own) darker side that she was an absolute angel today. ANGEL, I tell you. (Well, until five minutes before bedtime, but hey - I can handle that!)
By the way: Even though I don't think G is a classic version of the STC, I think she's smart and stubborn with a will that needs some work. She has remarkable self control for a little one and I know a lot of her struggles aren't unusual at her age. (She just happens to push it to the limits.) But it is helpful to have a few tools in our back pockets and a deeper understanding of these kids and empathy for their parents.
Okay. I'm done. More vacation pictures, more talking about my amazing child and many boring posts from my vanilla life to come. :)
