Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Back to Bloggin'
Gee whiz - it's been a whole month since I've posted! I think that's the longest I've gone. I certainly didn't intend to be an absentee blogger, but surviving a gruesome wave of grief as well as the holidays and a visit from my inlaws all became my major focus. Survival always seems to be my focus these days.
Interestingly, after the holidays I feel like I have hit an emotional plateau. In other words, there are hours, even days when I am not leveled by unrelenting grief. I know it won't last forever, and I don't even know if it's another phase of numbness, but it is nice to be able to breathe for extended bits of time. It's also the first time that Gianna and I are having good, melt-down free moments at the same time. That's been SO helpful.
Another reason for my blogging absence is that I don't really know how to blog during the intense grief without freaking people out. I'm still working through that and have decided I might keep a private blog just for me to record unedited feelings and experiences.
I have come to realize what a valuable processing tool this blog has become for me when I received an email from a precious friend who quoted a post I'd written shortly after Iain died. I was moved by the quote and then finally discovered it was me she was quoting. It helped me to realize that uncensored, stream of consciousness writing comes from a raw, real place from deep within and that I need to allow it to pour out of me. It can be cleansing, inspired and authentic - and helpful for later down the road. Anyway, even though I don't always enjoy the discipline of writing - I do enjoy and appreciate having written.
So, I'm back. In an effort to catch up with all my 2011 posts so I can have my Blog Book printed, I'm going to be pumping out the posts and they'll probably be out of order. I might back date them so most people won't notice, but if keep up through a reader service - watch out. :) Buckle up for a deluge of posts, pictures, videos, updates, etc.
Thank you for all of you who are praying for me/us.
(Not a big fan of marathons these days.)