Jelly Book - volume 9

Oh my funny child. Here's another installment of the funny, quirky, silly things that my child says.
I give you, Jelly Book - Winter 2012:

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Mommy, did you take your 'eyetacts' out?  (contacts)

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My brain is hot. (I think she was referring to her forehead.)

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G: Mommy, you want to watch your "fixing" show?

Me:  What kind of show is that?

G: The show that they fix the walls and the furniture and the room.

Me: Oh HGTV?  - no thanks.

G:  How 'bout your cooking show?

Me: No thanks.

G: How 'bout that singing show?

Me:  No, I'm good, Gianna.

G:  Well, than how 'bout Olivia?  (Crafty little bugger.)

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G:  Hey, Mommy - you could take me to Honey's so we can pick satsumas?

Me:  Well, I don't think there are any left on the trees now.

G:  Kids love Cuties. (Straight from the commercial...which is funny because we rarely watch commerical tv.)

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G:  I'm so tired because you make me work so hard.

Me: Oh really?  Would you like to tell me how you figure that?

G:  Well, all day long you make me play and play and play and I am so hungry and tired.

Me:  May this always be your biggest complaint with me.

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Random:  "Humph. This is IMPOSSIBLE."

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I took an alternative route home the other night and upon  arriving at our small town, Gianna said with obvious shock:  "Mommy, how did we GET here?"

Me: I drove, Gianna.

G:  I know. But we didn't even go through Wessalake!!  (Westlake - neighboring town)

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Random:  "Oh my child, it will be okay."

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After taking a bite of her supper,

"Hmmm.  Needs more salt."

(I was a little offended until she admitted she heard it from a movie.)

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At Church on Sunday Gianna was proud of herself for offering her had to an elderly lady during  the Our Father at Mass.  After the prayer and their hands dropped, Gianna quietly declaired,

"I am so pleased to meet you!"

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Why do we have to cast our bird on Jesus (burden)?

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On our way home one night,

"Mommy, Chuck E. Jesus!"

What?

"There's Chuck E. Jeesus!"

Me: Gianna, you've never been there and I've never talked about Chuck E. Cheese. How do you know about Chuck E. Cheese?

"It's from my show. You know, on PBS."

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G:  Mommy, I don't want to eat 'hosanya' tonite.  (Cross between lasagna and hosana -- I almost cannot say lasagna correctly anymore because her.) 

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While grocery shopping:
G: Mommy can you buy me some cracked pudding?

Me: Gianna, I have NO idea what cracked pudding is?

G:  Look, Mommy, right there!

(She was pointing to this.....)

Makes perfect sense.

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As a party favor, Gianna received cookie mix in a jar.

She was thrilled when we decided to make the cookies.

First she said,

"Oh look!  There's potty treats in those cookies!"

(M&M's)

"Can you take the sand out so we can make the cookies?"

(the brown sugar)

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Answering my phone.

House phone:  Answers before I can grab phone.  Recorded solicitor.

Me:  Gianna, who is it?

G:  (in a whisper)  It's MeMaw.

(G waits for a minute listening intently and then says in a stage whisper)

G:  Mommy, MeMaw says to press "1"

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Fussing at me:  That is very in appropriate!

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Is that PePaw 'lowing the mawn'? (mowing the lawn)

Mommy, is Hocapontus a princess? (Pocahontus)

Can I have cretzels to dip in my hummus?  (Pretzels)

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G:  Mommy, is Mr. Rudy going to be at Annie's house?
Me: No, he's working. He's flying a plane right now.  Do you remember what that's called?
G:  Yeah, a PIRATE!!