Tuesday, April 10, 2012


We survived another holiday.  That's a big mileston around here.
We are still trying to keep things as normal as possible.  (Maybe the fuzziness in the below picture is appropriate to how we feel.)
 When she woke up she went to play in the living room.  After a while I called her into the kitchen and she was saying, "Well, I guess the Easter Bunny didn't....(GASP!)"
For those who having been following this blog for a while, you'll notice we've downsized on the bunnies.  Woo Hoo.
 I made the lamb cake that my grandmother made every Easter when I was growing up.
(I couldn't find my icing tips and I'm actually glad.  I just cut the tip off a bag.)

Some seasons in our lives seam to coincide with the theme of the holiday that we celebrate.
This year, I resonated much more with Good Friday than Easter Sunday.
Don't get me wrong ~ I believe in and trust the promise of resurrection, hope and joy.  I have experienced the Paschal Mystery over and over again in my life.  I truly comprehend the process and have embraced the mystery.  I just happened to be at a very distinct point in the cycle (not stuck - just planted.)

For some reason, Gianna was particularly trying on Easter Sunday.  She has been exponentially better behaved at church over the last months, but tried a few old tricks this Sunday.
Then, she whooped it up during the whole of nap time - which really left me highly irritable and both of us in a bit of a mood.  I'm sure holidays are even more difficult for her as they are a stark reminder than Daddy is no longer here. (It's easier to push it to the back burner on 'normal' days.)

Well, I wasn't responding well to her shenanigans and attitude, so in an effort not to lose my cool, I told her she would have no Easter candy as her consequence.  Oh, I can hear your gasps from here.  I was even shocked.  There was no way I was going to let her get away with her poor behavior and disrespecting me just because it was Easter.  I knew I had to stick to my guns if I wanted to her to understand (and to realize that my threats weren't empty.).  I did - stick to my guns, that is. ALL day long, my poor little precious three year old had no candy. She had probably six baskets of candy in total from precious friends and family. Mean Momma!  I did tell her she could have a piece of my lamb cake after dinner and I stuck to that promise as well. (She wasn't completely deprived.)

I was already sad. I was already missing Iain more than usual.  I was already exhausted from all the current demands of my life as well as trying to make Easter special for Gianna.  The whole day was full of tumult and frustration. It would have been a challenging day had it NOT been a holiday. But we both survived.

I have not come close to balancing the the mother/father roles that a single parent must assume.  I'm sure that will be a life-long struggle - but the learning curve has been quite difficult to experience.

Don't worry, after breakfast on Monday, I let my deprived daughter gnaw on a chocolate Easter bunny which seemed to erase all negative memories from the previous day.  Thankfully she is much more resilient following these rough patches than I am.

I eagerly anticpate the healing and joy that the Resurection promises.
(And we do experience those things now.  We've come a long way...and we have a long way to go.)
Thank you for those of you who continue to remember us in prayer.


  1. I still hold you & Gianna in my prayers. And I still read your blog faithfully.

  2. The first holidays after a death are the worst. Sometimes holidays just don't coincide with our moods/sufferings. Good for you for sticking to your guns. Bad things don't happen to children who have to go through an entire day without candy. It just feels bad.



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