Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

I found the following written by an anonymous woman which completely resonated with my heart. (I'm sure you know someone who may relate well and take comfort in these words.)

There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.

I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.

I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
(When it talks about being better mothers.......I'd like to think it means better than I would have been had I not experienced everything else........not better than other mothers.)

I wasn’t completely surprised as my first Mother’s Day was approaching that I didn’t have that warm, tingly happy feeling all over. Since I spent many years as a single girl, there were many Mother’s Days that left me with a sting….”would my turn ever come?” Then Iain & I found each other and married….and still the question, “Will we ever be parents?” And then, Mother’s Day after a miscarriage. And then Mother’s Day during the years of infertility - post miscarriage. Lots of little stings.

Going to church was always the BIGGEST sacrifice on Mother’s Day. The sermon invariably focused on the virtue of motherhood. I often wondered how many other women were hurting as they listened. Mothers who lost children to death, miscarriage, stillbirth; who were separated by physical or emotional distance, whose children were serving in the military; who were struggling with infertility; who were journey the winding road of adoption; who suffered one or more failed adoptions; who had an abortion; who placed their baby for adoption; who desperately wanted to become pregnant; who was pregnant and desperately didn’t want to be; whose own mother was sick, estranged or deceased; whose mother no longer knew her because of Alzheimer’s…..the list goes on.

Last year on Mother’s Day – I could barely keep it together. We had just lost Maddie & Collin to a horribly unjust court system after six weeks of parenting them. I happened to be a confirmation sponsor and Confirmation was on Mother’s Day at the cathedral. If that wasn’t bad enough, just before Mass started, I looked three feet across the aisle from me…..and seated there was the stinkin’ judge who was sent the kids back to their drug-addict/trouble-maker father. Ouch. Talk about adding salt to a wound.So, it’s not that I am nonchalant about the day set aside to honor mothers…I guess I’m just hyper aware of how many woman are hurting on that day. So to all you mothers out there......Happy Mother's Day....espcially to all you first time moms and expecting moms. And to all those mothers and someday mothers and mothers of the heart who may be hurting today.......take comfort in knowing you are remembered and prayed for.
I am SO completely grateful to have my sweet baby girl in my arms this Mother’s Day…….for me, that gratitude is every day. I don’t feel the need to be honored – I just want to bask in my blessing. I remember very specially, my mother and deceased grandmothers, my husband's mother, and our heaven-sent birthmother of our daughter.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. I am speechless. Beautifully, thoughtfully written.I am so happy for you and your husband to have been blessed with your daughter Gianna!


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