Here we go again...

Some of you might remember a few months ago when I posted a lovely story called: Different Trips to the Same Place. It talked about the fact that deciding to have a baby was like planning a trip to Australia where most people planned, flew and returned with little incidence.  And then there were those who were unable to fly - for whatever reason - and they had to take a boat ride to Australia which took much longer and was often more arduous and misunderstood. (I'm paraphrasing, but you can read that post here.)

ANYWAY.... with the ink on Gianna's birth certificate scarcely dry, Iain and I are boarding the proverbial boat to Australia and we are going to try this whole adoption journey again.
This time we begin with a whole new agency.

"Are we crazy?" you ask.

 Why yes, as a matter of fact we are!  Some days I wonder if I've lost my mind - thinking that I can do another little baby at my age in ADDITION to our busy little Tornado.  If I were ten years younger, and if Gianna were ten decibels quieter and if she were ten times less sensitive to the slightest noise when she sleeps, and if I were able to miraculously locate this little Energizer Bunny's off switch - I wouldn't give it a second thought.  I always imagined myself having a small brood of kids - maybe five...or at least three - but as my good God reminds me over and over and over again - I am NOT in control, and HIS plan is always better than mine.

Having another child is our heart's desire and Gianna is another reason we'd love to expand our family.  She is so social and loving, and we'd love to gift her with a sibling. But if it's God will for her to be our only child - we are thrilled with that. We know we hit the jackpot with her.  That's actually some of the reason we're actively moving forward at this point:  if down the road Gianna asks why we didn't have any more kids, we can tell her that we tried, but God had other plans for our little family. We're also getting the wheels in gear because I don't feel I have too much time left to be open to starting with another newborn. I NEVER imagined starting my family in my 40's (yes, go ahead and gasp) but I supposed that was God's plan all along. 

Gianna's adoption was a private one facilitated through a local crisis pregnancy/pro-life center.  Our attorney worked with all parties involved.  Even though our attorney still does adoptions, the Center no longer does.  Because of that specific closed door - we felt like we needed to explore another option in the event there are no prospective birth parents matching with us through our attorney.  So, we did some research and connected with an agency here in town and have been working with them for about six weeks.

I've written about the things we had to go through to become "adoption ready" a couple of years ago.  If that whole process wasn't difficult and extensive and exposing enough - with this new agency....we have to start from SCRATCH! Ugh.  All that vulnerability with a whole new set of people.  A whole new home study.  All new interviews. All new references.  All new clearances through the federal, state and local law enforcements. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh and UGH.  And then there's the good ol' non-refundable deposits....baby or not.

Truthfully, it hasn't been all that bad. I just keep reminding myself that this is part of my "labor."  Our adoption worker is precious and a professional and a real go-getter. Working with her has been a pleasure.  And the other great thing is that we don't have to pay the BIG chunk until a baby is legally placed with us.....so even if a birth mother changes her mind at any time until legal placement - we wouldn't lose all of our money (which sadly is not too uncommon with domestic adoptions.)  That was a big draw for us. The financial investment is big and occasionally overwhelming - but we have to keep reminding ourselves that we really don't blink when we have to invest large sums for our homes and cars (well - we blink - but we expect that stress to our bank account).  Children are FAR more valuable than those other things. Now don't get me wrong - adoptive couples don't BUY babies (that's illegal) but they do pay for services related to the baby, the mother and legal and administrative costs.  I wrote more about that HERE and HERE.

We have always known that, because of our late start in the game, we'd have to be open to another baby sooner that maybe we'd be comfortable with.  In fact, we've received six calls from six different people with possible leads to another baby....the first coming when Gianna was only 5 weeks old.  None of the calls made it very much further than that....which was really okay with us.  We knew we were waiting for OUR next baby, not THE next baby.  And for me, all those calls were very clear messages from God telling us to have faith and that He was looking out for us.

We've already been through so many ups and downs regarding adoption.  Making ourselves so vulnerable to all that potential drama is a little daunting. And on those days when Gianna's in overdrive and wears us down the core - we look at each other and say, "Another baby? What are we thinking?" And when look at my friends children in middle school, high school and college - I wonder what I think I'm doing?  And heaven help me on those days when I actually do the math and figure out how old I'll be when my kids hit certain milestones -- if I'm even here to enjoy them.  (Mortality becomes very real at my age.)  Even though I refuse to let fear dictate my actions - there are very real concerns attached to being a more "seasoned" mother.  (Sometimes I make myself feel better when I see Julia Roberts, Halle Berry, Nicole Kidman - all my age! - jumping on the baby train.  And the air is let out of my balloon when I think about their housekeepers and nannies who made their lives a little easier.)

I'm not exactly sure where all this will lead and I'm not exactly sure if this journey will end with adding another baby to our family, but Iain and I feet called to be pro-active at this time and open whatever doors we can - making room for God to move.  We certainly have our hands full with Little Bit, but we are willing to muster up the courage, energy and fortitude it will take to grow our family.

So, we finish our home study and we wait.  Advent is the perfect time to begin this special wait.

We are asking for prayer for all the women who are experiencing crisis pregnancies - that they may make wise and loving choices for the children they carry.  We also remember all the other waiting couples and families anticipating pregnancy or adoption - especially those who have yet to become parents. And we ask for prayer and support throughout this upcoming "boat ride" and that we are able to open our hearts to God's will.

So, here we go - ready to take the plunge again.