Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Lifetime Movie - Part III (almost finished)

This is the third (and hopefully final) post in my little "Starring in my own Lifetime Movie" Series.  :) 
If you need to catch up, here's the FIRST PART.
And then you can read the SECOND PART.
The puzzled doctor is just shaking his head.
"I just don't know." he said.
Then I said, "Okay, well let me tell you my theory, and then you can tell me if it's plausible."

Theory according to me (Dr. Lewis: Medicine Woman)

"The last few years have been stressful with various events in our lives, but the last six months have been extremely stressful with work - in addition to an huge amount of overtime hours. He often leaves for work at 4:30 am and by the time he comes home, he's exhuasted.  Even if he goes to bed early, he's exhausted because for months, his sleep patterns have been disrupted so often AND he's been snoring which makes me wonder if he has sleep apnia, or something the like.  If he's stressed, exhausted, and has been deprived of good REM sleep and possibly even good oxygen at night - could it cause a result like this?"

Dr.  "Wow. Well, sure could. As a matter of fact, sleep apnia could really cause him to be exhausted. I'd recommend him to have a sleep study done - he'll just have to go sleep there one night at the Sleep Center." 
Me: "Well, that's no problem. Our good friend just became a sleep doctor, so we'll call first thing on Monday."
Dr: "Well, really, they shouldn't even need to have the patient come in - the could just interview the spouse.  My wife could tell them everything they need to know about me."
Me: "Oh really?  So you have sleep apnia?"
Dr. "Oh yeah, but I haven't had a sleep study done."
Take off concerned wife hat and put on frustrated momma hat.
Me:  "Well, Doctor, it looks like this wake-up call today isn't just for us."
Dr:  "Oh, I know - I just haven't had the time. I'm just so busy."
Me: "Well, guess who else has been too busy and look where he is?"
  • I don't know why it continues to surprise me when medical professionals have poor health habits.  When I walked into the E.R. the first smell that registered was McDonald's burgers and fries. That, coupled with the clusters of nurses and doctors outside in the designated nooks to grab their smoke breaks, just befuddles me.  I know, they're human too.  It just surprises me.
The doctor asked Iain who was quasi-conscious, "Well, you look better. How are you feeling."
Iain's response. "They just need to put me out to pasture, I guess."
Dr:  "Do you think you can get up and walk?"
Iain: "Yeah, if I can just go pee, I'll be fine."
Dr. to me:  "Well, I'll get his paperwork together and you can take him home. Let him rest for a couple of days. Call yout doctor Monday for a sleep study referral. If this happens again and you can't wake him, just bring him back."
Just bring him back? Am I the only one who is thinking this is sounding ridiculous? I have to take him home - while he's still out of it, semi-dilusional and I have no clue as to whether or not he can actually get up and walk. The thought of going through this again is overwhelming.

When the doctor left, Iain was checking out all of the sensors, tubes, iv's, etc. that he was hooked up to.  He lifted up the blanket covering him in his "jaybird" state and his eyes got big and he looked at me and said,
"I have a tube DOWN THERE." (I wish I could use the actual quote because it was MUCH funnier, but I'm opting out in order to preserve my marriage.)

"And I STILL have to pee." 

The wonderful nurse comes back and said he'd go ahead and unhook him from all the monitors and IV's.
Meanwhile, it occurs to me that I dressed in an old rugby shirt and socks and shoes.  It was 40 degrees outside and we had to walk outside to the car.  The nurse says he can give him some socks if we wanted.  Perfect. He started to walk out to get them, and said, "He can go ahead and get dressed."

Oh geez. Is he serious?  "Um, sir? Are planning on removing his catheter first?"
He looked stunned and then tickled, "What, you don't want to take that home?"
"Well, we could," I said, "But if I have to hear him talk about needing to pee one more time, you're going to have to admit me to the hospital."  We both laughed. Not Iain.  It just reminded him that he needed to pee.

Once he removed the cath. he left and came back with socks.  Big fuzzy red socks with the white no-skid treads on the bottom.  Oh heavens, please don't let us see anyone we know. He looked like a vagabond that I picked up in the scary part of town.

The nurse helped him off the bed and I have to admit, I wasn't so sure that he'd be able to walk to the car. But he was certain he could - but first he wanted to go the bathroom. (Even though his bladder was completely empy.) So, I grabbed his arm and he waddled down the hall to the E.R. bathroom and just as we got close, some other patient - with much faster walking ability - flew around the corner and went in to the bathroom.  We both stood there with our mouths opened. Oh brother.

The nurse came back with discharge papers. I signed them and he led us to another bathroom in the hosptial parading our fine stylish selves through public. Oh well. It's a hospital. I'm sure it wasn't the worst they saw.

My brother had gotten our car, thank heavens, so we didn't have to walk far.  Iain started walking to the driver's side.
"Excuse me, hon, but you're NOT driving hom." I told him. He got into the car put the seat back and passed out until we got home.

There's just a tiny bit left to the story. I'll post later tonight. I'll be glad for these posts to be over - I'm sure you will too. Thanks for your concern and espeically your prayers.  He went back to work today. Doing great!


  1. Man, oh Man! I think this was the funniest post, so far! Lots of male family member of sleep apnia and they swear by the device they wear to sleep - hopefully that will set him straight. On a side note: a friends relative was rushed to the hospital in a coma state, when he woke (several hours later) he told his wife to get everyone out of the room, he knew what was wrong. Once everyone left he confessed to his wife that he mistook his cholestrol medicine for ambien and took too many! I thought for a second that's where Iain's story was going! Whew, glad he's back to work! Now, you rest up too!

  2. Holy cow! This is insane! I can't wait to see how this is going to finish in the next post. It is so serious and yet, you have great funny moments...funny now but at the time im sure it wasnt. Well, reading this reminds me I need to go pee too :-)


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