Dear Alice,

Dear Alice,

Oh, how often I think about you! Won't you please come to our house to live with us? Did the Brady's know what a treasure they had in you? I can tell you with great certainty that I would be SO outwardly grateful to you if you were to help me keep our house (and my psyche) in order. I know Mrs. Brady had six kids to worry about and I only have, well...one, but I am quite certain that my One can outdo the messes that six kids could make - with little or no effort --- AND in far less time. (I'm even thinking that she'd be a match for all 18 1/2 Duggars!)

I can tell you I don't think I'd ever look as put together and groovy as Mrs. Brady if we had you living with us, but I'm pretty sure that my daughter wouldn't say, "Go, go, go!" every time she saw me wearing shoes or make-up.

Now, it may seem as though I'm complaining. I really am not. I love my life. I love my job as a SAHM or domestic engineer, as I like to call it. I love being home. I even love cooking and organizing and cleaning (only sometimes.) I like doing laundry - I just don't care for the hanging up, folding and putting away part....every 4 hours. I would be COMPLETELY willing to do my share....I just need a little help, and adult company would be lovely. We could have coffee together in the mornings and how much easier will those Wal-Mart trips be?

The more I think about it Alice, I really believe we would make a great collaborative team. You'd just love Gianna (aka Destructo-Baby). We have a lovely guest room that you use. Heck, my husband & I will take the guest room - you can have the Master Suite. You wouldn't have to wear that sweet little blue uniform either....unless, of course, you wanted to. There are plenty other lovely colors and patterns available now. Hey, we could get matching uniforms! I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

Oh, I and insist that you call Maria. No Mrs. Lewis for me. You could even call me Servant Girl if you'd like. (I think that's what Gianna's been trying to call me.)

Oh, and our A/C just broke. How do we know that it was broken in the middle of October, you ask? Well, apparently SW Louisiana didn't get the memo that it is AUTUMN and we've been over 90 degrees and 100% humidity almost every day. That means we are just having to purchase a VERY PRICY air conditioning unit that we may have to sell a vital organ or two to pay for, so there's not a lot of excess in the bank account. You'll understand why we can't off you a whole lot of money, but I'm sure that just Living in Lewis Land would be payment enough. It is for me, anyway.

I hope this was enough to sway you. Thank you for your consideration. I really do think about you often. (Actually I fantasize about you - but I really don't want to scare you off.) Looking forward to a potentially productive relationship.

Sincerely,
A Desperate Housewife

P.S. The butcher at the Market Basket up the road is pretty cute - just in case you needed a little more incentive. :)